As we’ve covered here before, I watch way too much Food Network television and when they put out a new show, chances are probably pretty good that I’m going to end up watching at least one episode in order to give it a chance. I’m not sure whether that’s because I’m a loser or because there’s nothing good on television in the summer, but I’m guessing it is more of the former than it is the latter.
Anyway, within the past month or so, Food Network has debuted another new show called “Cupcake Wars“. It’s not an awful show, but it’s also not the type of show that people are going to throw into the Smithsonian and say that this is great television. In my mind, it’s kind of like a car wreck…you don’t like to see them, but when you do, you can’t take your eyes off of it. Plus, they have a goofy tank shaped like a cupcake in the opening credits that blasts away at things (see above).
So, let me lay out the basic premise for you: four cupcake baker teams (one main person and an assistant) square off in three rounds of competition and one team is eliminated after each round. The winner of the show is then given a “contract” to showcase their cupcakes at an event catered by the show. Such events have included golf outings, museum openings, birthday parties, etc. They are also given $10,000 as a prize and most of them use it to start their own business, so that is nice.
In the first round, the bakers are given example ingredients that are somehow related to the event and then asked to incorporate at least two into a cupcake and then are judged on taste. In round two, they are asked to create three cupcakes and they are judged on both taste and presentation. In round three, they are given teams of “helpers” and are asked to bake 1,000 individual cupcakes using the four cupcakes recipes that they’ve previously made and also create a giant display for these cupcakes. Besides the fact that it is a show based on baking cupcakes, it doesn’t sound all that bad, right?
Well, it is that bad and it has everything to do with the cast. Since you are dealing with bakers (albeit cupcake bakers), you are apt to have your fair share of loons and I can deal with that. The problem lies with the judges (two regulars and one guest judge that is related to the event) and host. One judge named Candace Nelson apparently opened the first cupcake bakery (or cupcakery as they call it) in the United States and I’m fine with her. She’s competent, personable and not only that, she’s also pleasing on the eyes and I can appreciate that. The other judge, a Frenchman Florian Bellanger, is an acclaimed pastry chef with impeccable credentials. On the surface, that sounds great. The problem lies with the fact that the guy’s English is barely passable and that’s being kind. I don’t doubt his acumen, but seriously, what genius at the Food Network decided to hire a guy that the audience can’t understand? I mean, they actually have to put subtitles on the screen sometimes because his speaking is so indecipherable! This is one of your judges?! Was Betty Crocker not available?! LOL. In all honesty though, Florian isn’t that bad. I just find it amusing that he’s one of the judges.
On the other hand, there is one person on this show that is ABYSMAL and that is the main host, Justin Willman.
Seriously, look at this dope. Without even hearing him speak, don’t you just want to punch him? Once you hear him speak, you’ll want to punch him even more. This guy is 100% Grade A tool. In fact, he’s such a tool that he’s the president of the tool company. I CAN’T STAND HIM. His sole purpose on the show is to blubber out “witty” lines about wars and time running out and frankly, he can’t even manage to do that. He’s a buffoon. Off the top of my head, one of his classics inludes (this is from the Natural History Museum episode), “ten minutes left in the round…time for you to find out if your time on Cupcake Wars is natural history or not.” That’s just the beginning and he deals out at least six to ten of these beauties per episode. I hope he writes those lines himself, because if he doesn’t, it makes me shudder when I think that there is another person in the world that is as big of a tool as him.
In addition to his idiotic lines, his performance when people are voted off is about as cold and callous as a person can be. Instead of showing some sort of remorse that a person is being asked to leave the show, Justin the idiot delivers one of his priceless lines with a smug smile on his face. It’s almost as if he takes joy in seeing someone’s chance at a huge career boost (and also $10,000) go by the wayside. What an ass.
Anyway, I’ve ranted too long. Has anyone else watched this show? If so, what do you think? If you haven’t watched it, give it a shot and come back and leave your thoughts.
FYI, Cupcake Wars airs on Tuesday nights at 9:00 Eastern on the Food Network.
-IndianapolisEater
